Mother's Day Part III

So what did I actually do on Mother's Day?

I escaped it.

After I acknowledged all of the wonderful Moms in my family I disappeared with my husband and spent the day just with him. I will admit I had a little pity party in my head for a portion of the day. I guess that is to be expected. The day itself was wonderful because it was spent with my true love a little breezy but hey we can't have it all.

I did spend some of the day just thinking. Thinking about our future child's first mom. I wonder where she is, how she is, and what her life is like. I think about how difficult her decision has been or will be. I have many of the same questions our future child might have. I wish I could talk to her, learn from her, and share her experiences with our future child. I know that most of this is a dream since I will know next to nothing about our child's history. I keep thinking to myself that there has to be a way to learn more. I hold onto that because the reality is one day our little one will want to know more and I want to share everything I know. I want to be there to support our little one in everyway possible.

I have spent alot of time the last two weeks reading first mom blogs and adoptee blogs. I am trying to learn, trying to find a way to use this information to help our child.

So on this Mother's Day I feel for the loss of our child's first mom and the realization that our future happiness did not come without a cost, a cost that has no price, and that is full of pain.