I have tried to avoid the topic of the wait but it just doesn't seem to go away.....
It is unavoidable...
We keep getting older...
We keep waiting...
and
every month it seems we get more and more disappointed.
When we decided to pursue an International adoption we did so because we thought that there was less risk. We chose China because of their stability, predictability, and consistency.
Unrealistic?
At the time we signed up with our agency the wait was 8 to 10 months from the date you were logged in at the CCAA.
In five days we will be at month FOURTEEN and see no referral in sight.
These days I am mostly speechless. I keep second guessing myself. Maybe we should have pursued a domestic adoption, another country, I guess I just don't know anymore.
We received our completed homestudy update this week. I called my agency to inquire when the USCIS rates were going up. Yes, the form (I171H) to bring a child into this country will expire before we get our referral. We will have to pay to renew this form as well as getting fingerprinted again. My agency representative told me to wait as long as possible because they expect the wait to EXTEND to 24 months from the date you are logged in. The representative stated she would hate to see us have to renew the paperwork a THIRD TIME!!!
24 months!!!
If it were true and I hope it isn't, what are we looking at?
A referral in March 2008, travel in May 2008?
Almost THREE years!
I am beyond frustration and have had a hard time trying to find something positive to say. I have yet to decorate the baby's room. I just don't have the heart to do it. I don't want to be further disappointed. I keep the door to the room closed so I don't have to see all the baby items we have accumulated.
Which is so unlike me!!
I love everything baby. I love buying baby items. I love all the wonderful gifts that I have received from family and friends. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I do. And I do look forward to the surprises.
There are days that all I do is look in the room, touch the baby clothes, read the books, finger the little hair bows, and dream. Don't get me wrong I have my moments where I can visualize playing with our child at the beach, receiving that baby hug and smile that just breaks your heart, watching as your child says "Daddy" for the first time, watching our child sleeping, etc...But it is getting harder to do.
How can I decorate a room when I have no idea when our child will be coming home??
As each month passes I am forced to acknowlege that we are one month older and are
losing more time experiencing parenthood.
I am also tired of hearing people say:
1. It will happen when its meant to happen. (I'd like to know exactly when this is!)
2. Take this time to enjoy it with your husband. (Been there done that for the past 6 years!)
3. Take the time to travel. (With what $$$$?)
4. Enjoy doing all the things you love, you won't have that time when the baby arrives.(I'd gladly sacrifice that time to have the baby NOW!)
5. Take long hot bathes (Are kidding me? I'm a shower kind of girl!)
The list goes on and on.
It is like the big elephant in the room. Our loved ones don't want to ask about it.
and
I don't want to talk about it.
Lately, I see more and more disppointed posts on blogs. In fact less and less people are posting. I guess you just reach a point where you have nothing to say. You get tired of trying to convince the world that your little world is perfect.
I have not given up hope. I am going to stick it out. I am in it for the long haul.
I guess I'm just having a bad day, week, month.
The sun will come out.
Just not today.....
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
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4 comments:
My dear, we all have these down times. This wait sucks and we have nothing we can do. Focus on the positives in your life now and take each day as it comes.
Keep smilin!
My only offering of consolation is that there will be a baby at the end of this and you will be parents. The slow down is awful and unpredictable. The end is predictable in that you will be parents the when is the only question.
Hang in there,
Beverly
Kim,
You've expressed exactly what I've been feeling so eloquently.
Anytime you need to talk, let me know. We're in this together, for as long as it takes.
Your friend,
Sue
I think we are all on the same wavelength! I had a major hormonal down turn last week. So you know that it's making its way through the group. You only get to feel like this for a week though. Then you have to move on..or else Jackie and I are coming up there to harass it out of you. Don't joke about these kind of things. Jackie is a total loose cannon and really a wild woman at heart. Heck Eric would probably ship her up there just to avoid yardwork for a weekend. You think I am kidding but I am not. You know if Jackie goes, that I have to go too. Someone has to watch out for her :) and I can't trust the two of you alone. You will suggest a project, she will agree and you will both end up in the ER with some injury.
Are you smiling yet :)
Honey we love you and Mike. We want this wait to be over too. But I must admit that whereas other families bonded over a short wait and then lost touch --- we have something much different! We will have "known" each other for years and have an amazing story of love and support to share with our children. When we finally travel..it will be a rush. A high. And the world will shudder at our thundering footsteps as we run like mad women sans luggage and husbands towards the babies of our dreams. Ok - not the best image to leave you with....
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